Don't Let Your Worst Enemy Live Between Your Ears

By Joanne Ehrmantraut, MSW, LICSW, Restorative Path Counseling & Wellbeing

Talk to Yourself Like You’re Someone You Like

You will never speak to anyone more than you speak to yourself. That inner dialogue—the constant stream of thoughts in your head—shapes how we see ourselves and how we handle life’s challenges. So why is it often so harsh? One of the most powerful influences in your life are the words you say to yourself. Positive self-talk isn’t about ignoring reality; it’s about choosing words that support and encourage you instead of tearing you down.

The Power of Words

Your inner voice matters. When it’s critical, harsh, or brutal, it can make stress feel heavier and mistakes seem permanent and insurmountable. But when it’s kind and compassionate, it can help you move forward. 

Instead of saying, “I can’t handle this,” try, “This is difficult, but I will try.” 

Instead of, “I failed,” remind yourself, “One mistake doesn’t define me.” 

Speak to yourself like someone who never gave up on you—because you deserve that too. 

How to Practice Positive Self-Talk

Start small. Notice the words you use when you make a mistake or feel overwhelmed. Would you speak that way to someone you love? If not, change the script. A good question to pose to yourself—would I speak to a friend this way? Would I let someone speak to someone I love this way? Try phrases like:

• “It’s okay to start over and try again.”

• “Pausing is not backward movement.”

• “Small steps still move you forward.”

Pick one area to start challenging your inner voice; making one small change can help fuel others.

Another idea, give your inner critic a name—maybe even a villainous one—to remind yourself that voice isn’t always telling the truth. That way you can call out Karen or Susan or whatever name you give that voice that says nasty things to you. Being a kind person means being kind to yourself too.

Why It’s Worth Practicing

Self-love is consciously and continually speaking to yourself like you would speak to someone you love. Positive self-talk reduces stress, builds resilience, and helps you cope with challenges. It’s not about perfection; it’s about progress. One thing at a time is more than enough. Just because you struggle with something doesn’t mean you’re failing. You are allowed to rest. Your feelings are valid. You are worthy of kindness, compassion and empathy. You show these kindnesses to others; don’t forget you’re a person, too.

Now What?

Make sure your worst enemy doesn’t live between your ears. Choose one positive phrase today and repeat it when things feel hard. Something simple like: “I’m doing my best, and that’s enough.” Your inner dialogue matters—so make it a voice that lifts you up.

BONUS: a few fun artists that make great affirmations, often with animals, sometimes with swears:

Liz Climo: www.instagram.com/lizclimo 

Sugar and Sloth: www.instagram.com/sugarandsloth 

Lousy Drawings for Good People: www.instagram.com/lousydrawingsforgoodpeople

This article originally appeared in the March/April 2026 issue of the MVMA Messenger